I know this post will come off as whiney, but, I think right now we’re all allowed to whine in some manner. Sometimes it makes me feel better. I often feel like I have to caveat a thought, to add positivity, and not come across as too negative. But today? I don’t care.
I’m using an old image as the header to this post because WordPress won’t let me upload a new one and I don’t feel like spending the hours it’ll take figuring out why. Bleh.
Before last week
I am a photographer. I had to close my business and my son’s daycare has been closed for almost two months. Even as Alaska has slowly opened back up (by the way, Alaska has I think the least amount of cases of any state in the US and testing is high), the base where I live and the place my son goes to daycare hasn’t. I can’t re-open my business without care for my son. My business is my sanity and gives me purpose. Our income has been affected. Fortunately, we are able to live off my husband’s income.
My husband is currently deployed to Iraq. He was supposed to be home in a couple of weeks. Now, we have no idea when he’ll be home. Still. After finding out about a delay over a month ago. (update: we have a much clearer idea today!)
My 31-week pregnant sister drove herself to the hospital on Monday and was diagnosed with severe pre-eclampsia. Wednesday, she was diagnosed with HELLP and had to deliver her baby later that night.
My mom can’t visit her daughter in the hospital. Once my sister is released, only her OR her fiancee can visit their premature baby, not together. I know other hospitals have more strict rules than that.
If it wasn’t for COVID-19 I would jump on a plane.
Also on Wednesday, my great uncle passed away from Covid-19. He was diagnosed only a day earlier – and the only symptom he had was having a hard time breathing. He was elderly (90) and living in a nursing home, but I thought I would see him again. He was like a Dad to my Mom, and a grandfather to my sister and I. He was the closest relative we had outside my immediate family, so this has hit us hard.
My mom wasn’t able to see him and say goodbye. She hasn’t been able to visit for months. The funeral was on Tuesday, limited to 8 people.
If it wasn’t for COVID, I would jump on a plane. But I can’t control 4-year-old hands very well.
If my husband was home, even with COVID-19, I would jump on a plane by myself and leave my son with him. If he had to work he would be considered “essential” and our son would have care.
We are spending hours a day supporting each other on Facetime, but it’s not the same.
My four-year-old son has seen me cry multiple times this past week. He’s been extra clingy, moody, and winey. He can’t express how he feels very well. His whining puts me on edge and I don’t know if I’m dealing with it very well.
I am very aware that I’ve left out the good. Right now, I just don’t feel like writing about that.
Next week can only be better